I didn’t see it coming. I was headed to the frame store after work, which was closed, so I had to try on dresses next door at a sidewalk sale, when the text came in. “Mommy can have pizza for dinner…Pleeeeaaaase.”
My 12-year-old daughter was home sick again. It started with a virus and moved into an acute asthma episode. I had been home with her for three days, but today was the first day she was home alone.
My response to this request matched the five stages of grief outlined by Kubler-Ross in 1969.
Denial
How could this be the end of my day? I was up at 5:30 AM exercising for 90 minutes. I ate nothing but marinated vegetables and legumes for lunch. My 10:30 AM snack was a hard boiled egg and celery sticks. This was Fresh Start Monday after the long weekend. This is not the dinner I planned. I don’t want to deal with pizza. She can't be asking this of me.
Anger
As I got the steaming hot boxes into the enclosed car, I entered the next phase. Why can’t I have pizza? Am I supposed to spend the rest of my life living on baby carrots? Can’t I live like a normal person? I went to work today. I didn't extend my holiday weekend like everyone else I know. And it was sunny. I wasn't at the beach or the lake. No Not me. I went to work. And I got absolutely nothing done. My life stinks. My job sucks. The only thing I will ever to have to look forward to is pizza.
Bargaining
If I have one piece, I can follow it up with a salad. I promise to eat it slowly. I’ll enjoy every bite. I won’t eat half the pie. I’ll have just a sliver. I’ll blot it with a napkin. I’ll use a knife and fork, maybe even chopsticks…or tweezers. I'll put an ice cube on it so it's less appetizing. I’ll take a walk after dinner, maybe do an exercise tape too. I know I can earn this pizza it if I’m extra good elsewhere.
Depression
I have never eaten before. I will never eat again. There is no other food in the universe other than those two pizza boxes on the passenger side seat. If I don’t eat at least one slice of each, I will die of starvation. I’m really, really hungry. I can even feel the pangs. It is 5:53 PM. It's been more than four hours since I've eaten. If I don’t eat this pizza, I may not make it. Because no one cares about feeding me. God forbid I be able to get takeout and not slave in the kitchen tonight. I am the one that has to do all the shopping and cooking every day. I’m like a lioness having to hunt for an entire herd. And it won’t be antelope migrating season again until November. How am I to survive if I don’t hunt down this juicy creature right now?
Acceptance
I can have pizza. But I can’t eat the whole thing or even half. It won’t make me evil or bad. It will not ruin my day or my life. I will pair it with a green salad and some more of those marinated veggies I had at lunch. I can enjoy it if I just exercise some control and moderation. How about if I actually put down my piece of pizza at some point to talk to my family about their day? It's worth a try.
I ate one and a half pieces of veggie topped pizza and had a bowl of salad greens. I can prove it because I had the second half of the second piece notarized. You can see the seal impression right there on the top. I stopped when I should. I'm so proud.
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Love this! Thank you for writing about Kubler-Ross's work that has stood the test of time, and that I've experienced first hand in the past four days. Here's my version from tonight's trip to Hannafords:
ReplyDeleteDENIAL - I can still spend $200+ per grocery shopping trip (once every 10 days to 2 weeks). I will not allow the recent elimination of all my child support and alimony to have any impact on how I feed myself and my children.
ANGER - I'm so pissed that I can't just cruise through the aisles, grabbing my regular array of products and paying no attention to price per lb, unit cost or comparitive prices. It is taking twice as long for me get one stupid cart of groceries. I want to just get home! I'm hungry! I'm frustrated and feel so resentful that my life has been rocked in this way.
BARGAINING - Maybe if I buy the store brand of applesauce, I can afford to get the pre-packaged 6-pk instead of the jar of applesauce that I will have to put into individual Tupperware containers for my kids' lunch at camp. And if I buy that ginormous bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips, I promise to turn them all into homemade oatmeal choc chip cookies for the kids' camp lunches, as opposed to eating half the bag of chips, which is what I'd really like to do right about now.
DEPRESSION - I will never again be able to pick up the prepared sushi-to-go pack at $6.35 per box. I will never again be able to march up to the Fish market and select the farm-raised salmon that I love so much. I will never be able to buy all the fresh fruit and vegetables that I know are so good for me and the kids, yet are so expensive. I'll be forced to buy the yucky store brand from now on.
ACCEPTANCE - I learned a lot tonight as I slowly and carefully perused the aisles. Not only did I take the time to check prices, but also I checked nutrition labels. Instead of spending $4.97 on an 8-pk of sugar-sweetened Gatorade for basketball camp, I spent $1.29 on a box of 12 Sucralose sweetened lemonade powder mixes to put in the kids' water bottles. It's not ideal...I'd love for them to crave plain water, but it's a step in the right direction. I planned ahead and purchased enough turkey burgers and chicken legs to freeze that will last me over 3 weeks. And I got it all for under $200. :-)
Rebecca
It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a deserving woman in possession of a good pizza must eat it.
ReplyDeleteOh, I was doing so well last year.*sigh* Conversation between daughter and self:
"Have a doughnut," she said.
"No, thanks."
"How can you not have a doughnut?"
"I've had doughnuts, in the past."
I've had doughnuts, in the past. It was fun. But it's over.