I don't know, where do you want to go

We got Chinese last night. What about Indian? Mexican? Italian--that new pasta place?

We've all been there. The United Nations of family conflicts. One wants pizza. The other a steak and cheese. Me? Vegetarian. When is Moosewood Cafe going to open up a satellite here?

It's Friday night. I am tired from my eyeballs to my toe nails. I looked for Visine when I got out of the shower this morning even though I had gone to bed at 8:30 last night. I'd burn my sandals and dance around the smoldering heap if my feet didn't hurt so much.

How do you reconcile it? The "I'm too tired to cook but too fat to go out to eat syndrome."

First, it's important to be a pain in the butt at the restaurant. Waitresses and cooks have an easy job; they don't mind. Ask for everything separate. "I'll have the Fettuccine Alfredo with whole wheat noodles, nondairy sauce on the side. Instead of bread with that, I'd like a shrimp cocktail with one-quarter of a head of iceberg lettuce, one lemon sliced thin and cocktail sauce with no horseradish."

You can also order a la carte. If you order only sides--baked potato, corn, broccoli, and veggie mix--you will get four or five bread plates with one cup sized servings. But you need another plate. Be prepared to pay for it. On your big plate, place your potato and pile up your sides on top. Then ask,"Oh Miss can I have a side of fat free sour cream?" When that comes, ask for fresh ground pepper...no ground white pepper, then duck.

I order ice cubes for my wine. I ask for rice pilaf to be rinsed. I send back the bread basket. Dressing on the side? No way. Let's make someone search for the balsamic vinegar instead.

Can you use olive oil instead of butter to prepare that? No Parmesan cheese in my risotto either. Can I get fresh herbs instead of dried?

You can't be too careful you know when you are on a special diet. I've gotten food poisoning a number of times while eating out. I wonder why?