Ever have a friend in high school or college that was a bad influence? I had a friend that once suggested we do “doughnuts” on Cayuga Lake because “It must be frozen by now.” At the time, I didn’t recognize my roommate as being a bad influence, but now I do. What I don’t realize is when the bad influence is me.
The first clue that I’m a bad influence begins with the phrase, “I deserve to…” This sentence can be finished in any number of ways but it usually involves chocolate, wine, cheese, or chips. It also often includes words like “have another,” “have seconds,” or “might as well finish it all.”
These thoughts are most apt to occur when I’m really tired, cranky, or hungry. Considering this pattern, I should probably be handed a pacifier, blankie, or stuffed animal, instead of a calzone. Developmentally I’m at a point where I should be strapped into a car seat with Linda Arnold’s “Lullaby Land” in the CD player for a long drive down a country road. More than sugar or carbs, I need a nap.
Another indicator that a bad influence is at work is the defensive response “I don’t need to….” What follows next is a long list of rationalizations for hitting the snooze button, picking up the remote control, and not visiting the doctor.
The "I don't need to" response is a righteous proclamation of my free rights that should probably be accompanied by some patriotic music and a slowly animated waving American flag. It might even be suitable for a bumper sticker slogan, like, “If the Lord wanted me to bike, I would have been born with wheels instead of feet.” At this point, I gain anthropological insights into the absurdity of an aerobics class as a modern form of human sheep herding. If only the creativity I exercise in generating excuses could burn calories.
I wish a warning sound, on par with a distinctive car alarm, could go off in my brain to alert me that I was being a bad influence. Just as I am reaching for another slice of tiramisu a British police siren would wail between my ears. It might be enough to wake me up so I can go to bed and dream about swimming in a lake filled with honey dips.
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3 years ago
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The "I deserve to" is certainly one of the reasons that people overeat. And it's a deep-seated reaction. When I was five years old, my uncle gave a doll to my cousin, right in front of me. I ran and hid and cried. Where was a doll for me? When everyone is ordering and eating strawberry cheesecake, which of us wants to be deprived? Why should I have just a half of a burger when everyone else has a whole one? (Remember the expression "NO FAIR!" ?) It's hard to take. But I've learned to save things for later, or tomorrow. I DO get a whole burger, but I eat the other half tomorrow. So, hey, I'm not deprived. And I did get the doll, the best one; she just graduated from college.
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